Who’s your mama?

Who’s your mama?

Well not so long ago I came across his picture and it got me thinking about my situation but also (mostly) about some of the dads out there….

First my situation…

I left my son’s father about six years ago, I ask my boy if he wanted to come with me or stay with his dad (also to get to know him since he was never around!). My son chose to remain with his dad. It was fine with me (even f I didn’t like it) I had to respect his choice since he was old enough to do so. So anyway, I left with my clothes and some of my books, I had pretty much nothing. My ex kept everything… Furniture, art pieces, home… EVERYTHING. Keep in mind my ex is/was a millionaire! I had a little money saved up but not much since a few months prior he had found out about it and made me spend it almost completely. I left.

We had an understanding due to his financial situation versus mine he would care for our son’s needs. He did for some time. But he realised, after some time had passed that I would never “come back” and so he changed… Demanded that I pay him an alimony! I was beside myself, how can I pay an alimony to this man who has everything and I, nothing? This man stole my jewelry, my home (which btw is in MY name) and so much more. He has assets worth millions, now he finds out that while I’m in Montréal, Canada and have a little job that I should pay for our son’s school, clothes, etc? Of course I’ll pay for some of it, he’s also my son after all and I love him! (My current spouse even helped me financially!) But I don’t have the ability to assume all costs since some of my gains have to go for eating and shelter! But I live on the smallest amount I can so to provide for my boy. That is how it was, this man has means coming out of his ass and still it wasn’t enough. When we were still a “couple” we lived in Vancouver and I had my mediocre paycheck to live on (when he finally allowed me to work), me and my son, while he (dad) was on a “business trip” in Montréal, enjoying the high life (restaurants, shopping, shows etc) He only send the money to pay our home’s fee. Nothing for food, our son’s activities nor any bills. I could barely keep my head out of the water. But I managed. A friend of mine still to this day tells me that she can’t believe how I managed to do that!
So this is how it was and is in my case… I left everything to someone who had everything, why? Because I wanted my wonderful son to have it all.

But now let’s reverse the whole situation and go down on a hypothetical road here. What if I had stayed in Canada and not moved to the motherland (Norway). What if I had my home, half the furniture, half the art pieces etc? Had a job and had a new spouse that was even more comfortable than my ex? Let’s also pretend that my ex is not a narcissist prick! We would have joint custody of our boy (two weeks with me and two weeks with dad) but adding up to this hypothesis we’re going to pretend that my ex is kind and generous! So he would pay for school, clothing, extra-curricular activities, food budget, my car and any debts we might have had he would also have cared for that. Now keep in mind I’m in a new common-law relationship with someone wealthier than my ex in this hypothesis… I guess I would have gotten a taste of not assuming shit of costs and finance but enjoyed having a small job which its soul purpose would be to give me something to do a couple of days a week by getting me out of the house (of course I would be a part-time job)! But to spice up the hypothesis a wee bit more (you know how I like to spice it up!) I decide that all of this is not enough… I decide that I am able to “bleed” the ex some more… I DEMAND alimony for the two weeks a month I have the child!
Now to make sure you follow my train of thoughts you can go and reread from the beginning of this hypothesis.

Anyway, now that we have established the situation… Let’s look at how thing are. You see sadly the courts would always rule in to a mother’s side unless child abuse is established and proven. So even if she is abusive to the ex (in this hypothesis) the courts would only see the child’s welfare. You see the courts don’t recognise a parent demeaning the other parent to a child as psychological abuse. (Or maybe they do but I never heard of it!). You see in my case if I got up and grew a back bone and went after my ex to get what is rightfully my due…. If I could afford a decent lawyer of course.. Then probably, I would get what is legally mine. But in my hypothesis, the fact that the kind parent happens to be the father… A man! The courts often overlooked the factual actions etc, and focus on the age old idea that a child should be with its mother that, in the courts beliefs, ALL mothers are maternal!! Really?? Are you fucking kidding me??? Again reread my hypothesis and tell me if I (as depicted in my hypothesis) have a maternal instinct when bleeding the father in such way? Who’s interests is it that the hypothetical I have in mind… Mine or the child? The answer by now should be obvious shouldn’t it?

When unfortunately most legal systems are blind to those details as the laws concerning children have been written with the thought that women are ALL born with maternal instinct! And of course the legal system adjusts to this day and age by including new articles and clause to help those few deserving dads out there whom have more of a maternal instinct that a female bear has for her cubs. But those said articles and clause are still obscure to most as no one truly wants to admit that it can be possible for a woman to disregard the wellbeing of a child over her needs and wants (or bitterness from having lost the original spouse).

Now these men hand up having to contact not a common law lawyer but a human rights lawyer! What the hell? How can it have reached such a state that in order to be respected as a providing male parent you actually have to get legal help from a human rights lawyer? Now that’s is insane when you think about it! So being a good dad and being seen as such is a “human rights” issue… Great, way to go people!

We often hear of deadbeat dads, trust me I know all too well when I see my ex and his behaviour towards me and our son, but G-D forbid we’d dare say that there is such a thing as “deadbeat moms” as well….

Food for thoughts….